Elder David A. Bednar explains in his book "Increase in Learning" that we are to act, as agents, and not be acted upon, as objects. There is a scripture that I like to read when talking about following the Spirit. Nephi had just returned to Jerusalem to recover the brass plates from Laban. He acted upon the commandment that he had received from the Lord, via his father, Lehi. After their plan was frustrated the first time, Nephi returns to attempt again, explaining that he knows the Lord will provide a way for them to fulfill their purpose. He states, "and I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." (1 Nephi 4:6)
I recently had an experience with this sort of guidance. I was dealing with temptation, as happens so often in this carnal and devilish world. I prayed to be protected and that I would make the right decisions regarding said temptation. I was delivered from the temptation and was very happy. Foolishly, I let my guard down and, as happens with temptation, the Devil returned tempting me again. I wasn't as faithful this time and fell into temptation. The accompanying feelings of despair and loneliness were overwhelming. In this moment, following the sin, I knew that I had to make a choice. I could choose to wallow in self-pity and "whoa-is-me-ishness" or I could pray for forgiveness and recommit myself to our Father in Heaven.
I chose to pray and I am very glad that I did. I asked Heavenly Father, through the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to forgive me of the aforementioned sin and to help me move forward. A question came to my mind. The question was posed the Thursday prior by President Robbins, an institute teacher in the Alpine Utah YSA Stake. He asked, "do you think that you have ever done anything that has surprised, angered, or embarrassed the Savior Jesus Christ?" The answer he gave was, "No!" He explained that the Savior knows that we live in a carnal world ruled by Satan. He knows that there will be missteps along the way. He loves us so very much that He bore our sin, our grief, and our pain. He will stand by us as we have faith in Him and strive to do what is right. This was a very comforting feeling. I continued praying.
I asked Heavenly Father to help me become worthy of the guidance of the Holy Ghost again. I promptly received the inspiration that I should attend the temple and do work for the dead. I shrugged off what I considered to be a crazy thought as I knew that I was not worthy to attend the temple. However, that feeling returned and forced me to consider what I was feeling. I felt the Spirit as if it said, "If you get ready and go to the temple now, you are worthy to go. If you wait to go until tomorrow, then you will not be worthy to enter." I knew that I needed to follow that prompting, as crazy as it seemed to my intellect.
I got up and got dressed to go to the temple. While I was driving to the temple, I wrestled with the thought of having very recently sinned and heading to the temple to participate in sacred ordinances. I continued to feel that it was right, even if it did not jibe with my current understanding. I arrived at the temple and as I pulled into the parking lot, a flood understanding washed over me. I understood the feelings and the promptings that I had received. You see, it was July 24. Here in Utah, that is Pioneer Day. A day celebrating the arrival of the first Latter-day Saint Pioneers to the Salt Lake Valley. As a result, the temple was closed. I had completely forgotten that the temple was closed. I parked in the parking lot and briefly admired the beauty of that building and the wonderful work that is performed inside. I marvel to think of the love of the Father to allow us to worship together and perform work for the deceased. I began to pray as I sat in my car.
The feelings of reassurance came into my heart, knowing that my Heavenly Father had directed me to that specific spot at that exact moment. I felt His Spirit as if it said, "My son, I wanted you to prove your willingness to change, to diligently act in faith, and to choose to follow the Spirit, 'not knowing beforehand the things which [you] should do.' (1 Nephi 4:6) I have brought you here, not to do temple work, but to teach you the importance of listening to the Spirit."
I wish to stop here for a moment and clarify that I am not comparing myself to Nephi, the great prophet of the Book of Mormon. I wish that one day I might show the same faith that he always did. I think of his rallying cry, "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul...Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions." (2 Nephi 4:28-29) I love this chapter of scripture, often referred to as Nephi's Psalm. Midway through the chapter Nephi begins to describe his feelings of inadequacy. He explains that, at times, he feels almost overpowered by the adversary. However, he continues to pray to the Father of us all. He thanks Heavenly Father for his goodness and mercy. He has feelings of sorrow, despair, loneliness, and a host of feelings that knock us down. But as is always the case with the faithful followers of Christ, Nephi always gets back up.
"Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord...wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me...encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness...I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever...I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee..." (2 Nephi 4:30-35)
This experience has taught me several very valuable lessons. First, our Heavenly Father loves us. He knows us on an extremely intimate level and has a plan for the salvation of each one of us. He knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts. Second, worthiness does not come merely through the passage of time but through the changing of the heart. For this reason, and others, we are not to judge others, especially when it comes to repentance. Third, the power of the adversary is strong and it is very real. I have felt that power as if it were a blanket of darkness that tries to overpower you in a spiritual, as well as physical way. This is the moment of choice.
You may "choose captivity and death" by allowing the darkness to fill your mind and your heart or you may "choose liberty and eternal life" by praying for deliverance from that awful being. We are "free to choose" (2 Nephi 2:27) but we do not have to choose nor walk alone. Speaking of the influence of the Holy Ghost, Elder Richard G. Scott explained, "I do not understand fully how it is done, but that guidance in your life does not take away your agency. You can make the decisions you choose to make..." (April 2012 - General Conference Saturday Afternoon) I hope that we can make the decision to follow Christ's example and be perfected in Him.
I know that He is our Savior and that He bled and died for us. He suffered immense pain which caused Him, the Greatest of all, to tremble. (Doctrine & Covenants 19:18) He fought, and suffered, and died to give us the right of agency. He made it possible for us to choose for ourselves, to seek learning, and to come unto the Father. He is the ONLY way back to the Father.
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