Promised Blessings from Heaven

For a time, I dated a gal who was very wonderful. I felt drawn to her beautiful eyes, great spirit, and cheerful demeanor. After several weeks, I knew how I had begun to feel about her and wished to pursue a more established relationship. This gave me a sense of Déjà vu, due to the fact that every other relationship that I have had, at least in the realm of dating, has ended in heartbreak. I did not wish to go down that road again. I was reluctant to face those emotions and to openly discuss how I felt with her.

After several promptings and subsequent conversation, I felt to talk with her that evening. Having been a coward much of my life, I knew only to rely on the Lord for the strength to follow the feeling that I had. I thought "If I open myself and share those emotions and those feelings are not reciprocated, I will be crushed!" I wrestled with that feeling for most of the evening, drawing strength through reading the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's book "Trusting Jesus" and through prayer. I pressed on, trusting that the Lord would help me to share what I felt, I prayed for patience until I understood the Lord's plan, I prayed that I would be faithful, no matter the outcome of the conversation that was now imminent.

I was relieved to feel the warmth that I have come to enjoy more and more frequently. An overwhelming sense of peace and reassurance encircled me. I felt as if Heavenly Father spoke to me saying, "My son, I am happy that you have chosen to trust in Me and in the plan that I have for you." I knew that initiating that conversation at that moment in time, although it had not happened yet but was sure to come within the next 24 hours, was the right thing to do. I did not know what would come of it but now I knew that whatever did come, this was the Lord's will for me.

I briefly exchanged texts with her as she said she couldn't talk that evening. She said that she would call the next day. As we had arranged, she called me the following evening and we spoke. I expressed my desires to date her, and only her, and asked where she stood on the matter. She did not feel the same feelings that I felt. She still wanted to date and spend time together but wanted to leave her options open. I was happy to find that the crushing pain of previous experiences did not come. I felt at peace with what she expressed and again felt the reassurance that this was the will of the Lord.

With this news, my confidence seemed to INCREASE and not to DECREASE. I took strength in the words of President Thomas S. Monson, "one of the greatest and most valuable lessons we can learn in mortality is that when God speaks and a man obeys, that man will always be right." The result of the conversation was not what I had hoped for. However, I know that I had felt prompted to speak the words which I had spoken at that specific moment. Elder Richard G. Scott taught, "With certainty, you will receive every promised blessing for which you are worthy." I know this is true and I look forward with hope to those "promised blessings."

Response

***Caution, I don't know the official church doctrine/standing here and if I am wrong I apologize. You can always research your own answers at www.lds.org***

This post is in response to a video and comments found at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1-F_ih1ePY

I welcome all comments and hope that I will be able to answer your questions.

I guess first, I would like state that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe that it is very easy for us to believe we have found the things for which we are looking (i.e., she states that she was "looking for false prophecies by Joseph Smith"). She cites Doctrine and Covenants 84:4-5 and speculates that it refers to a temple that is to be built in Far West (see other prophecies about the gathering of the saints to Far West). The Kirtland Temple was finished within a couple of years.

She references several verses in Revaltion 21:

1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband

22 And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.

I believe that the new Jerusalem must be built as a gathering place for the Saints and at the "time of burning" which is spoken of in the Bible, the righteous Saints will be brought up with the Lord and the earth and heaven will pass away (see verse 1). The return of this city is what John sees in verse 2. Verse 22, the purpose of temples is to prepare us with the covenants and ordinances necessary for eternal life. Therefore, when the new Jerusalem returns to Earth, there will not be need of temples.

As for the last bit, about following by blind faith, I do have something to say. I would say that we should do things because we have a testimony that they are true. I am one who grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I served as a missionary to the Hispanic population in the Cincinnati, OH area for two years. I returned home at the age of 21 in 2005. Since then, I have struggled to live by the standards of the Gospel and have found varying levels of satisfaction with my life. When I sin, there is an inner peace that I lose as I allow Satan to possess a portion of my heart.

2 Nephi 4:27-28:

27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

I know that I could give up at any moment and the feelings of guilt would eventually subside and I would be numb. However, this is not my intention in life. I am here to grow and to learn. I will continue to fight against Satan and his servants. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that the revelations given through the prophets in the Doctrine and Covenants are true. I know that the Bible is true. I know that I cannot force anybody to believe my words. I cannot force anybody to believe the words of the Lord. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who was prepared in a good Christian home to bring forth the restoration of the fulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

91 Days (exactly 13 weeks) to a New Life

Ok, so it's been about 2 hours since my last post and since then I've decided that I'm going to go public with my goal to lose weight. I know that there are a bunch of different diets and workout regimens out there such as The South Beach Diet, The Atkins Diet, P90X, Crossfit, and so forth. I don't intend on following a single one of them. The diet that I have put together is based on an idea from the book "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle" so I do have to acknowledge Tom Venuto for his brilliant book. The workout part of my lifestyle change was given to me by a former co-worker of my dad, Aaron Winter(s). I'm going to post pictures today along with my measurements so that anyone can follow along and cheer me on. Sometimes I get lazy but I figure this will be a good way to keep me motivated. I plan on posting weekly pictures along with my weight, body fat %, waist and chest circumference, and maybe others depending on whether I think of them or not. I may post my fastest mile for the week...although I'm fat, slow, and lazy now...I will be a different person in 13 weeks. I won't only be exercising and eating well, I believe that in order for this to be a productive change, I will need to better my spiritual self as well. I will read my scriptures every day, pray frequently, and attend church weekly. So...here we go...91 days to a new me! You'll see me next week!

Weight - 296.0 lbs

Body Fat - 34%

Stomach - 50.5"

Waist - 46.5"

Chest - 54"

R. Biceps - 17.5"

L. Biceps - 16.5"

R. Thigh - 30"

L. Thigh - 30"

R. Calf - 19.5"

L. Calf - 18.5"

Neck - 19"

Growing Pains and the Power of Prayer

I have no clue if anyone will ever read this but it's always fun to write down my feelings and think that someday, somewhere, someone may come across my words and they might internalize some of what I write and that it could, even if it be in some small way, help them in their life.

The other day I was sitting at work and I found myself in tears. For those of you who know me, you know what I've been going through. For those of you who don't, suffice it to say that I'm more emotional than a 15 year old girl. I was troubled by a recent loss and it left me very confused. I was trying to figure out what I had done wrong. What had caused such a change and how was I to fix the problem that now lay in front of me.

In the past, if I felt the way that I was feeling, I would turn to alcohol or any number of other "quick fixes" to numb myself from feeling. Having previously made the commitment to do away with such habits I now found myself in search of true peace and healing. At first, I turned to poetry, something constructive for which I have gained much love. However, all this did was provide temporary relief to pain that was much more than skin deep. As I sat in that chair at work, trying to hide the tears that had welled up in my eyes, a thought came to my mind. PRAY!

It wasn't an elegant prayer by any stretch of the imagination but it was from my heart. I asked for help to heal my aching heart. I asked for an increase in patience and diligence so that I could understand the Lord's will and make it my own desire. I went about my job trying to get my mind off of the girl for whom I had feelings. Trying to rid myself of the memories because the loss was too painful. A scripture came to mind, John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. This gave me some semblance of peace but I was still troubled as I continued to wrestle with past feelings.

I continued to seek spiritual growth as I knew I had much room for improvement and I knew that I would find the inner peace for which I was searching. I began to listen to old conference talks for guidance. Time after time the same thing was mentioned, The Atonement. How could the Atonement bring peace? I'm not hurting because of sin. Then the thought came to me, Christ not only suffered for every sin that we would commit but he experienced every human emotion and if anyone in the world would know how to comfort me, it would be him. I prayed for further understanding. I prayed to know what I was to do. I prayed for healing. I had a feeling that let me know that all would be well. It was no longer a matter of "what should I do?" I had the thought "continue to do what is right and you'll know what to do!" An inexplicable calm came over me.

I know that I no longer need to know beforehand what I am to do. I don't need to know what will happen in my love life to know that I will always be happy. I'm happy because I am doing what's right and the Lord will bless me as he sees fit. I realized that I don't have to close any door in order for me to be happy. I don't have to say goodbye to move forward with my life. If things with her rekindle themselves in the future then they do. If they never do then that is what is meant to be. I don't know what is best for me and I certainly don't know what is best for her. I don't know what's in store for me. I don't know if she and I will ever date again. I don't know if we will even be friends, even though I hope that we are.

I don't know what my life has in store for me. I don't need to know. I don't need to be in control anymore because I have allowed my Heavenly Father and Savior back into my life and I know that, as long as I remain faithful, they will be in control. I know that the prayers of the faithful are answered. I know that they are answered in the Lord's time and in the Lord's way. I just pray that I have the patience to understand the Lord's way and timing. I know that following the Lord's plan is the only way for me, or anyone for that matter, to find true and lasting happiness in life. I know that he will always be here for me, even when no one else can be.

The Wild Mare

The Wild Mare, once roamed unbridled.
To her, happiness was one time vital.
She used to run, free and sidle.
Now brought down, forced to be idle.

Too long has she been kicked around.
Too long has she been beaten down.
Her wild heart now sadly bound.
Her soul and dreams are all but drowned.

To thee, Dear Mare, now I speak.
Persist, You will find what you seek.
Your will now strong, no longer weak.
Your future bright, no longer bleak.

Her very heart love had forsaken.
She finds again what man had taken.
Unbroken spirit reawakens.
Now in her Lord, a faith unshaken.

Someone, someday, will sing her song.
The fear of love shall soon be gone.
So beautiful and very strong.
The Wild Mare rides on!

The Kind Words of a Sister

Sisters can be some of the greatest blessings in the world...even for a guy like me!  My sisters are especially amazing.  They listen to me whine about my problems (and also invite me to dinner at Famous Dave's, so good).  They allow me to be me and help me understand the female psyche!  I err in so many ways but they are there to help me back onto my feet and try again, even if it means starting over.  I've had a rough couple of days filled with confusion and regret.  Ill-fated words that felt so right when written.  I have lacked understanding and with that have failed.  I have learned, however, that nothing is more painful than angry words from a broken heart.  Words I have written have stung me deeper than those of anyone else.  My own writ is a lecture to myself.  At times I have spoken, written, or heard angry words such as the ones that I have recklessly thrown about today and yesterday.  Am I proud of my words, not at all.  Why would I have chosen these words instead of finding an alternate release?  A word spoken is a word that can never be taken back.  If offense is taken, it is out of our control.  All that we can do is look forward to tomorrow knowing that today we have learned a lesson.  We must ask forgiveness of those whom we have offended.  I hope that I can become a better individual for the trials through which I pass.  To all of my friends and family, I love you!  To those whom I may have offended, I ask your forgiveness and understanding.  I'm not perfect.  I won't be perfect tomorrow.  I will, however, be ever perfecting myself in this journey we call life!

Buzz

What You Can't Have...

The more I live the more I learn about this life we live. What is it about us humans that makes us pursue those things that seem unattainable and dismiss that which is within our clutches? Why is it that we don't really care about goals themselves; rather, we tend to put them in place and quickly toss them aside once we see slightly "greener" pastures? Is it our overstimulating society that causes us to want something new every few months, weeks, days, or seconds? Is it a fear of success that hinders many of us? What happens if we become a successful person? More will be expected out of us...more should be expected out of us! I talk from personal experience and obviously not everybody shares the same fear of success that I do. Some people know how to cope with success and aren't afraid of it. I used to think that I was afraid of screwing up but I have realized that I don't mind it at all. I enjoy learning. I enjoy finding my limitations and trying to break through those barriers. Just recently I have learned that it is success that I fear most. I have noticed it in all facets of my life, well, all but one. Dating is the one area in which I am not afraid of success and yet I fear the scene altogether, thanks largely in part to a few experiences to be explained later. Growing up I never thought that I was good enough for any of the girls in high school. Later in life, mostly after my mission, I gained more confidence and thought I could now hit it out of the park. Yet time and again I failed. I know that I'm a good guy so what was it about me that women didn't like? There's the obvious, I'm overweight and trust me when I say that real life is not like the movies...women don't like a guy "like that" because of his personality or just because he's funny, sorry Farley (bless your dead and over-worked heart). Women don't choose men because of their spirituality, either. Then, when a man is lucky enough to find a woman interested in him, he's really just begun the hellacious carousel of indecision known as the female decision making process. If there is one rule in dating that I have learned, it is that a woman wants what she can't have. I mean honestly women, what the hell?! For example, I recently (within the past 24years) dated this girl who would show every bit of interest in me as long as I didn't show any interest back...once I showed that I cared even just a little, she backed off and wanted nothing to do with me...so of course, what's a guy supposed to do...I backed off! As soon as I stopped showing interest in her, the phone calls began again and magically she wanted to talk to me again! I thought that maybe that was just her...however, even more recently I had a friendgirl that seemed like all the others...friendly but of course would not want anything to do with me "like that". My buddy told me that she had told him that she wanted me to take her out. Looking back, what I should've done was absolutely nothing...what I did do was I asked her out...therein lies the mistake. As soon as I asked her out I had signed my own dating-death warrant. Once she got what she needed from me she no longer needed me as a friend! What a great feeling! They've helped me to see that it's not important who you are but what you have and how willing you are to share it...that's what gets a girl...STUFF. It may only be temporary, as it was in my case but it works. It's no wonder girls around here end up with jerks...they'll put you down often but at least they'll make you emotionally needy so that they may pick you back up and be there for you. After all you need them!

Now, obviously I didn't mean that each and every one of you girls out there is stupid. I have three great brothers-in-law and do believe that my sisters are very wise. I was letting off some steam about different girls who, lucky for me, I don't ever have to see again if I don't want. I welcome any comments or questions that you might have...P.S. I love my new artificial jawline!!!

FTWFW, Peace!