The Power of the Four Imperfections

Today, I finished reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.  The day before I finished that book, I also read “The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz.  Just now, I have picked up and started reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.  By choosing these three books, I never expected a correlation between them.  However, as I have been reading and contemplating their messages, I have noticed a recurring theme.  BELIEF OVER TIME!

In “The Power of Habit,” Duhigg describes that the central idea behind understanding and changing habits is the “habit loop”.  The habit loop consists of three items:  the cue, the routine, and the reward.  In order to change the routine (the habit), whatever it may be, you need to isolate the cue (the preceding action) behind it and identify the reward (the payoff).  Towards the end of the text, he identifies that the key ingredient behind changing behavior is believing that your behavior can be altered.  Once you believe that you can change, begin experimenting with your habit loops.  Know that you will fail and revert to old habits at times throughout the process but stick with it.  Belief over time!

Don Miguel Ruiz introduces the word agreement in a new way.  He explains that we all make agreements regarding everything around us.  What is sin?  What is good?  What is sad?  What is green?  He then introduces the four agreements that can change us.  Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and do your best.  In summary, he explains that part of doing your best is understanding that you will slip up with the first three agreements but that these slip ups are OK.  Do your best to begin again and change your world.  Belief over time!

Brené Brown introduces ten separate ideas or "guideposts" that, if lived by, can lead to living a more wholehearted life.  Brown has spent years researching shame and shame resiliency.  However, in "The Gifts of Imperfection", she addresses the steps that we can take to reclaiming our true selves and begin to really love life.  According to her research, wholehearted people (those who she describes as the happiest) practice the following guideposts (key activities):

1 - Authenticity  

2 - Self-Compassion

3 - Resiliency of Spirit

4 - Gratitude and Joy

5 - Intuition and Trusting Faith

6 - Creativity

7 - Play and Rest

8 - Calm and Stillness

9 - Meaningful Work

10 - Laughter, Song, and Dance

These are all important aspects of a fulfilling life.  Most of us need to work on several, if not all, of these areas.  They will not come all at once.  Change will not happen overnight.  However, there is a formula that will help cultivate these characteristics and that is, Belief over time!

Several days have passed since I began this writing.  I have taken the time to finish “The Gifts of Imperfection.”  I could say that this, along with the other books I have read this week, have changed my life.  I would be remiss to not give some credit to these books for the current state of my mind.  However, I have thought deeply and received many inspirational thoughts that didn't come from any book.  Tender mercies from the Lord have allowed my mind to be open to further light and knowledge.

For years, I spent my life believing that I was made up of all of this wisdom.  I believed that I was special because thoughts came so readily to my mind to help solve even the most difficult situations that life has to offer.  As I have learned over the last two years or so, I have been blessed immensely by the Spirit.  I have learned that these thoughts aren't random and they aren't my own.  These thoughts are a product of looking for answers and having those answers given to me.

I believed that I had cultivated the keys to happiness myself.  However, I have learned through trial, error, and disappointment that joy does not come from having enough, being enough, or doing enough.  It comes from understanding that we already have enough, we are enough, and that we are doing enough.  We need to be careful, though, so we do not become complacent.  Complacency breeds comparison and comparison leads to an attitude of “not measuring up."

Through today, we have done, we have learned, and we have become enough.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow we have the opportunity to do, learn, and become more.  Fret not the past as it has taken flight.  Be who YOU desire to be!  Learn what YOU want to learn!  Do what YOU choose to do!  As Brené Brown states in “The Gifts of Imperfection,” don’t be someone that you are not simply to fit in; be your true self and love and belonging will find and welcome you!

Be authentic and you will find your true self.  It might be scary, you might feel vulnerable, and you may discover intimate details that you have not been ready to see, yet.  That’s OK!  When we lean into discomfort instead of running from it, we become acquainted with our true powers.  We see us for who we really are.  We are human.  We are imperfect.  And dammit, we are awesome!