With Golden Wings

I fought today against the foe

I thought that me he'd overcome

But deep within I felt things grow

The simple things the Lord had done.

My faith it grew a thousand fold

In Him I trust through days and nights

He gave me wings He made from gold

With them I soar to greater heights.

No longer droop in sin!  REJOICE!

Awake my soul, give place no more

To an enemy that would destroy

My peace my calm my evermore

With lesser things have done my child

The faith and hope and love you bring

Can help all turn both meek and mild

To kneel before Our Lord and King

Christ came, but not to simply save

He came to change and make amends

He gives me strength and makes me brave

To be the man that God intends!!!

A Prophecy for Our Day

I was reading in the Book of Mormon this morning.  Specifically, I was reading in 1 Nephi 11.  In recent weeks, this chapter has come to mean more to me as we have discussed "the condescension of God" in my institute class.  Verses 31-36 stuck out to me this morning as a flashing warning sign of OUR times.

31 - There are all manner of sicknesses, diseases, devils, and unclean spirits.  All of which CAN be healed by the power of the Lamb of God.

32 - The Lamb of God is judged by the world.

33 - He is lifted up and slain for (note alternate definition for the word "for" is "because of") the sins of the world.

34 - After he was slain, the multitudes join together to fight against the apostles of the Lord.

35 - The world gathers together according to the wisdom of the world.

36 - Ultimately, those who fight against God will be slain.

I can't even express the feelings that have come into my mind as I have thought about these scriptures this morning.  I worry for the world.  The world has judged Jesus and has decided, once again, that they are better without Him.  I worry for those of us who get caught up in the "should I or shouldn't I" when it comes to sharing our testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Lord, and our Heavenly Father.  Look around and you can see that every day Christ is raised upon the cross anew.  He is put there when governments don't protect religious freedoms.  He is put there when we don't defend our belief in Him.  He is put there as we pursue the desires of the flesh.  Let us not be a part of this new age crucifixion.

Be not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ (Romans 1:16).  Don't be afraid because you are in the infancy of your testimony...be an example of your beliefs by the way you walk, talk, and think (1 Timothy 4:12).  Have faith and hold to the knowledge that His way is the best way.  Following His footsteps is the only way to be truly happy in this life AND prepare for eternal life.  A familiar hymn states, "Rise up, O men of God!  Have done with lesser things."  I think this could also read, "Rise up, O men and women of God!  Have done with lesser things."  Let us rid ourselves of the worldly and unimportant (ungodly) things of this world.  May we follow the steps of the Savior and find much greater meaning in our lives and help others, as we are directed, to find meaning in theirs.

"Be Not Afraid, Only Believe"

Jairus sought Jesus and said, "My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay the hand on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live."  On the way to the man's house, a certain person came, bearing grievous news, "Thy daughter is dead..."  I cannot begin to imagine the grief and pain of Jairus.  He must have been devastated.  He went to the Lord seeking a blessing, knowing that the Lord could provide.  He trusted in the Lord, went out himself to find the Lord, and now it seemed that it was for naught.  Then, before this man could begin to doubt, Jesus told him, "Be not afraid, only believe."

Reading these words is much easier than putting them into practice.  I have not lost, nor thought I might be losing, a sibling, parent, or child.  I do not know what that will be like and I do not like to think about it.  That has not been my trial.  My trials and temptations have been numerous and varied over the years.  I have yet to completely overcome any of them.  Oh but the things that I have learned.

I have learned that God, our literal Father in Heaven, loves us.  I know that he wants us to be like Him.  I have learned that Jesus Christ is our Savior and our Exemplar.  He came to this world to show us what the Father is like.  They are patient, loving, kind, long-suffering, full of mercy, powerful, ever present, and ever aware.  They know our needs and have provided both a plan and a means whereby we can return, not only with them, but as they are.  I have learned that as hard as it is to "only believe", it is worth every second of self-denial, teardrop, hardship, and attack.  I have learned that as I put my trust in my God and in my Savior, I am borne upon the wings of angels.  I am given strength to carry on.

I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of mankind.  I know that anyone that wants His help can have it.  I know that He stands waiting to give a hand.  The next time you come to a crossroads, listen to the Savior and "Be not afraid, only believe."

To Infinity, And Beyond...

I woke up this morning with thoughts of eternity running through my mind.  I thought about eternity and infinity.  I thought about how infinity is simply an eternity of numbers and eternity is an infinity of days.  As I thought of these words and the concepts that surround them I had several thoughts that I consider profound.  I realize that for others these thoughts might not make sense or they might not really be important.  I know that these thoughts are not my own, rather they are thoughts over which I have been given stewardship.

What will I do with these thoughts?  Will I roll over and go back to sleep?  Will I record them for future understanding?  Will I think about them and allow them to change me for the better?  These are some of the questions that determine whether we will be open to further promptings or not.  I believe that as we record impressions and guidance from the spirit, we open ourselves to more guidance and increased direction.

Now, back to the thoughts that I woke up having.  I thought about infinity from a mathematical perspective.  I'm not a mathematician but I understand that infinity is not a number and can never actually be achieved.  Infinity is a concept.  Broken down it makes more sense to me.  In- (without), -fin- (end), and -ity (state of being).  So, literally, infinity is the state of being without end.  You cannot add to infinity nor can you take away from it.  You can merely approach infinity.  And how do you approach infinity?  One number at a time.

Eternity, much like infinity, is a concept.  Also, much like infinity, eternity does not exist to us as mortals.  You cannot add to nor take away from eternity.  You can merely approach it.  And how do you approach eternity?  One step at a time.

I think the symbol for infinity was chosen wisely, or somebody simply knocked an eight on its side.  "∞" INFINITY.  "∞"  ETERNITY.  As we stand in the middle of this symbol there is a never-ending loop of days behind us as well as days in front of us.  We have good and bad things that happen to us daily.  I think that too often we allow the infinite and eternal to scare us because we cannot truly understand it.

What I believe that we need to do is simply approach eternity one step at a time.  Don't let eternal marriage overwhelm you...it is to be achieved one day at a time.  Don't let the quest for perfection end if you're imperfect...the quest is eternal!  Allow yourself to make mistakes but do better each day.  Eternity will happen if you let it...don't force it!

I have to admit that this is where the original text to the post ended.  However, I just finished up at institute and I feel that I have to add a few words from that lesson.  The lesson focused on one verse and the question posed in it.  1 Nephi 11:16, "And he said unto me:  Knowest thou the condescension of God?"  This is a concept that I have not understood and believe that I have only begun to grasp after attending institute tonight.

I will do my best to explain what is beyond my grasp.  I hope that the illustration and the spirit will teach what I lack the ability to explain.  "The condescension of God" (the coming of Christ to the Earth) does more to explain the love that Christ had and has for us than a lot of other doctrines.  As I understood the lesson, Christ had received the fulness during the pre-mortal life.  However, he gave up Godhood to come dwell with us mortals so that he could show us the way.

When he was born a babe in Bethlehem, the veil was placed over him just like it was for all of us.  D&C 93:12-14 explains that He "received not of the fulness at first, but received grace for grace;"  Meaning that Christ went through life re-learning everything that he already knew and re-gaining that which he had already gained.  Then after His baptism, as explained in verses 16 and 17, He received a "fulness of the glory...[and] all power."

Then, to ensure that all of us could return to our Father in Heaven, He gave it all up, AGAIN!  As D&C 88:6 explains, "he descended below all things...that he comprehended all things".  Through the Atonement He descended below all and then after the Resurrection, He received a Fulness again!  He gave it all up twice for us.  He loves us so much.  He would not go through all of that and then give up on us.  "Give up" is not in His vocabulary.  Quite literally, He has already gone to hell and back for us.  May we all have a little more faith in the man that wants nothing more than to please Heavenly Father and to help us achieve happiness.

I will end this post with a glimpse of what Heavenly Father wants us to be.  I truly believe that it is within each and every one of us to become what Jesus became.  D&C 93:19-20 says, "I give unto you these sayings that you may understand and know how to worship, and know what you worship, that you may come to the Father in my name, and in due time receive of his fulness.  For if you keep my commandments you shall receive of his fulness, and be glorified in me as I am in the Father; therefore, I say unto you, you shall receive grace for grace."

Give yourself a break.  Give yourself time.  Don't get frustrated.  Don't give up.  If you want to be more like Jesus, remove the phrase "give up" from your vocabulary.

What Goes In, Must Come Out

Zig Ziglar has long been one of my two favorite motivational speakers (the other being Matt Foley).  He has a wonderful combination of great thoughts along with an unforgettable voice.  However, I believe that he was my favorite because of the man that listened to him so frequently as I grew up, my dad.  As a person grows and learns, it is natural for them to emulate their heroes.  This has always been the case with me and my dad...I hope to be like him!

For those who do not know him, my dad is, by far, the best dad that anyone could ask for.  My dad was never deemed the most intellectual but he was always the smartest man in the room.  He has never been considered wealthy yet he has always been the richest man around.  He will never set any records as a strongman though he will ever be the strongest man I know.  In the eyes of the world, my dad has not achieved great success.

My dad is the smartest, richest, and strongest man because of the one thing that has truly defined him as a man.  "...if ye have not charity, ye are nothing...cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all...charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever..."  Having sacrificed so much for others, it would be expected that he have nothing left to give.  All the time that he has invested in other people, he rarely had time for himself.  In the shoes of a man that the world expects to be a failure stands one of the greatest men to ever live and definitely the greatest that I have ever known.

I cannot begin to count the number of times I have seen my dad cry with another person...the manliest thing I have ever witnessed.  He has always been open to the guidance of the spirit which has made him the smartest man in the room.  He has always treasured his relationships with family, friends, and, most of all, God, making him the richest man alive.  With a hug and his words he has lifted many people thus he is the strongest man I know.

Reigning in this three-paragraphs-tangent, I now address my original thought and the inspiration for this writing.  Zig Ziglar said, "You are what you are and where you are because of what has gone into your mind.  You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind."  Incredible power is contained in the human mind.  With it, we have created the worlds that we live in.  With it, we survive heartbreak, loss, and inhumanity.  Unfortunately, that power can be used against us.

I have seen many precious daughters of Heavenly Father destroyed by men.  Men who have professed to love a woman have then ironically taught the same woman worthlessness, shame, and doubt.  These girls are mere shadows of the women they were born to be.  There is hope as these beautiful women look to Jesus Christ for an example of what a man should be.  There is hope as they put their trust back in men who honor their virtue and prize them for their mind, morals, and maturity.

I have seen the power of mind used against men afflicted by addictions to pornography, alcohol, and drugs.  These plague and destroy relationships, confidence, and faith.  Men become boys, afraid of progress and afraid of believing they can overcome.  Soon they begin to live minute to minute, satisfying their corporeal cravings.  There, too, is hope for men if they will rise up and face the hardships of life.  There is hope if they will put off the enticing temptation and look forward to the future.  No man is strong enough to confront the ills of today without a true belief in the Creator and faith in the power of prayer and revelation.

Doubt can yield to faith, despair will wain and hope abide, and lust will die and love remain.  We can and we will turn it around.  We can do hard things.  We can put off the carnal desire and disbelief.  We can rise up and wield the power we possess.  We have acclimated to the world as we now know it.  However, we have changed our world before and we can do it again.  It is not easy but it is simple.  The tapestry that is being woven is of our own choosing; whether that choosing is active selection or tacit authorization is up to us.  We need constant vigilance regarding what enters our mind and paints the landscape in which we exist.  Faith, hope, and charity!

The Power of the Four Imperfections

Today, I finished reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.  The day before I finished that book, I also read “The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz.  Just now, I have picked up and started reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.  By choosing these three books, I never expected a correlation between them.  However, as I have been reading and contemplating their messages, I have noticed a recurring theme.  BELIEF OVER TIME!

In “The Power of Habit,” Duhigg describes that the central idea behind understanding and changing habits is the “habit loop”.  The habit loop consists of three items:  the cue, the routine, and the reward.  In order to change the routine (the habit), whatever it may be, you need to isolate the cue (the preceding action) behind it and identify the reward (the payoff).  Towards the end of the text, he identifies that the key ingredient behind changing behavior is believing that your behavior can be altered.  Once you believe that you can change, begin experimenting with your habit loops.  Know that you will fail and revert to old habits at times throughout the process but stick with it.  Belief over time!

Don Miguel Ruiz introduces the word agreement in a new way.  He explains that we all make agreements regarding everything around us.  What is sin?  What is good?  What is sad?  What is green?  He then introduces the four agreements that can change us.  Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and do your best.  In summary, he explains that part of doing your best is understanding that you will slip up with the first three agreements but that these slip ups are OK.  Do your best to begin again and change your world.  Belief over time!

Brené Brown introduces ten separate ideas or "guideposts" that, if lived by, can lead to living a more wholehearted life.  Brown has spent years researching shame and shame resiliency.  However, in "The Gifts of Imperfection", she addresses the steps that we can take to reclaiming our true selves and begin to really love life.  According to her research, wholehearted people (those who she describes as the happiest) practice the following guideposts (key activities):

1 - Authenticity  

2 - Self-Compassion

3 - Resiliency of Spirit

4 - Gratitude and Joy

5 - Intuition and Trusting Faith

6 - Creativity

7 - Play and Rest

8 - Calm and Stillness

9 - Meaningful Work

10 - Laughter, Song, and Dance

These are all important aspects of a fulfilling life.  Most of us need to work on several, if not all, of these areas.  They will not come all at once.  Change will not happen overnight.  However, there is a formula that will help cultivate these characteristics and that is, Belief over time!

Several days have passed since I began this writing.  I have taken the time to finish “The Gifts of Imperfection.”  I could say that this, along with the other books I have read this week, have changed my life.  I would be remiss to not give some credit to these books for the current state of my mind.  However, I have thought deeply and received many inspirational thoughts that didn't come from any book.  Tender mercies from the Lord have allowed my mind to be open to further light and knowledge.

For years, I spent my life believing that I was made up of all of this wisdom.  I believed that I was special because thoughts came so readily to my mind to help solve even the most difficult situations that life has to offer.  As I have learned over the last two years or so, I have been blessed immensely by the Spirit.  I have learned that these thoughts aren't random and they aren't my own.  These thoughts are a product of looking for answers and having those answers given to me.

I believed that I had cultivated the keys to happiness myself.  However, I have learned through trial, error, and disappointment that joy does not come from having enough, being enough, or doing enough.  It comes from understanding that we already have enough, we are enough, and that we are doing enough.  We need to be careful, though, so we do not become complacent.  Complacency breeds comparison and comparison leads to an attitude of “not measuring up."

Through today, we have done, we have learned, and we have become enough.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow we have the opportunity to do, learn, and become more.  Fret not the past as it has taken flight.  Be who YOU desire to be!  Learn what YOU want to learn!  Do what YOU choose to do!  As Brené Brown states in “The Gifts of Imperfection,” don’t be someone that you are not simply to fit in; be your true self and love and belonging will find and welcome you!

Be authentic and you will find your true self.  It might be scary, you might feel vulnerable, and you may discover intimate details that you have not been ready to see, yet.  That’s OK!  When we lean into discomfort instead of running from it, we become acquainted with our true powers.  We see us for who we really are.  We are human.  We are imperfect.  And dammit, we are awesome!

To Thine Own Self Be True

I have spent the last month or so mired in terrible feelings.  These feelings have been some of the darkest of my life and this is in large part due to mistakes that I had recently made.  I have often gotten the feeling that the Lord doesn’t need me.  I have been lost and confused.  Can I really be forgiven of my sins?  Does Heavenly Father really love me?  Did Jesus Christ truly suffer everything for ME?

I know that I can be forgiven of my sins.  If I KNOW that, then why is it so hard to BELIEVE?  I know that Heavenly Father loves every single one of His children, so why is it difficult for me to believe that He loves me?  I know that Christ’s sacrifice was INFINITE and yet I find it nearly impossible to believe that His infinite sacrifice includes me.

I like to read over my previous writings to see the ups and downs.  I like to read the wisdom that has been granted to me throughout the years and sometimes regain some of that wisdom that I may have lost through negligence on my part.  I just re-read my latest blog post on here.  About ¾ of the way through, I came across the following paragraph:

I write to reveal my thoughts.  I have sincere and strong desires to be known as one who had a great influence on others.  I do not care if recognition of such exists.  I wish to be known as one who inspired greatness.  I want a large funeral.  I wish to be eulogized like no one before me.  I cannot have these desires without the willingness to sacrifice.

I have had a thought, recently, that has left me questioning my worth.  My entire life I have believed myself to be a caring person.  However, I wonder about my level of care for others.  Do I truly care about them?  Or am I finding meaning in my life by caring about others?  This has come to my mind because of the feelings that I have been having.  I have felt worthless.  I have felt powerless.

Why would I feel worthless if I derived my sense of self-worth from within?  Why would I feel powerless if my power comes from within?  The truthful answer is that I wouldn’t feel this way if I was ok on the inside.  If I were to pick apart my life and look at it objectively I would have positive and negative things to say about it.  So, why do I only find the negative right now?  Well, I guess I am finding the positive right now…but the recent past was different.

For quite some time, I have believed that people have needed me and because I was needed, I felt that I had value.  I believe that this is one major reason that I have tried to help people with their problems.  Yet, as I have looked around me, I have noticed that nobody needs me.  My friends, who I thought needed me, do and will get along just fine with or without me.  My family, who I thought had need of me, does just fine while I am away.  What happens when your self-worth is determined by the people that “need” you and you discover that no one truly does need you?  You realize that your life is hollow and meaningless; at least it feels that way.

Where do you go when you’re no longer needed?  What do you do when all you know is to help other people?  How do you fill the pit that your life has become?  How do you find greatness in yourself when, for so long, you have measured your greatness in relation to the company that you have kept?  Where does greatness come from?

Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true!”  What does it mean to be true to oneself?  Does it mean to be self-serving?  Does it mean to neglect the feelings of others?  Does it mean to be introverted?  Think about it; I know that I have.  I have thought about this extensively.  “To what conclusion have I arrived,” you might ask.  I have decided that the meaning of this phrase is deeper than I had previously believed.  I do not believe it is a simple action.  I do not believe that it is just doing but that it includes defining!

In order to be true to yourself, you have to know who YOU are!  You have to know your values.  You have to know your desires.  You have to explore the inner workings of your soul and discover what it is that makes you happy and what makes you sad.  You will find that which makes you angry.  You will find that which makes you scared.  It is not easy but it is simple.  Be willing to open up to yourself and you will find a friend that you never knew existed.  You’ll find someone who knows you better than anyone else.  You have to trust yourself.  You have to listen to the voice that tells you the truth about you, regardless of how much it may hurt.

The saying, “you are your own worst critic,” is true for most people!  However, you do not have to be.  You can be your biggest fan.  In your quiet moments, you can be the one to give yourself a pep talk.  You can pick yourself back up and dust yourself off.  After all, you are the one that will have to sleep with yourself tonight.  You have to look yourself in the mirror.  Others may avoid you if they deem necessary but you cannot avoid you.  Let’s be honest, why would you want to avoid yourself?

You understand what you are going through and you understand what you feel while going through it!  You know how and why you hurt.  You know why you laugh and what makes you do so.  You know who you love and you know who heals your heart.  You know who takes your breath away and who you want to be with.  Others will try to persuade you one way or the other.  Most of them have good intentions but none with pure, unbiased reasons.  Trust what you feel and you will find happiness.  You’re amazing!  There’s so much for you to do here.  Find it!  Do it!  Enjoy it!

Poetry

I am so grateful for my love of poetry...I'm not the greatest poet...and sometimes I forget to rhyme...but I get to use words that I would never use in normal, everyday speech...I love it!  Everywhere I look, I see awesomeness.  I have been richly blessed in my life to have such wonderful friends...if you are one...thank you!  I recently (yesterday) wrote a poem, a tribute if you will, to great friends. The following was pulled from my poetry blog:

Upwards Friend

They say true friends are hard to find
Yet when that thought comes to my mind
I beg to differ as I look around
I see the many friends I've found

How is it that I'm so richly blessed
Yet oft I've thought myself as less
OH! What a fool that I have been
To bitch and moan that I've no friend

I've doubted so much in my life
Yet now I see the goodness rife
It's in their smiles, it's in their eyes
It's in their love, friendship I surmise

I can't describe this change inside
Yet thanks I give to a caring guide
A friend indeed who called, Bull shit!
"Find the good, your life's full of it!"

A friend will cry and hold you tight
Yet push you on to greater heights
A friend will laugh, make your heart swell
A friend is one who knows you well

A friend is one who'll call your bluff
Yet know exactly when enough's enough
A friend is one who knows your heart
How it beats and how it to start

A friend knows how to help and heal
Yet haven't studied you in the least
From their heart love shines on forth
Sets you aright and gives you life!

--BUZZ