A Funeral Worth the Wait

I am writing this post, not overthinking what I will write and simply putting thought to “paper”.  Of course, I will read this over and edit it but I am not going to think it through as I type.  The thoughts will flow and I hope to make sense as I go.  I have spent most of my life trying to please one person or another.  Sometimes it has been Heavenly Father, other times my parents, other times my friends, and yet other times Girls.  I have allowed myself to let the feelings of others take priority to my own.

If you are reading this, you most likely know me.  If you know me, it is obvious that I love other people, at times too quickly and to a fault.  I have begun to think about the folly of my ways.  I have lacked the balls to go after the desires of my heart because others may think that I am distancing myself from them.  I have been afraid of praise and honor.  I have been afraid of success.  I have not been afraid because I might afterwards fail.  Why, then, do I deprive myself of the blessings of success?

In part, I have feared that if I am praised and held in high regard, others around me may feel left out.  I have felt that if I take credit for my thoughts and actions, then I am being selfish.  Mind you, I dare not to take sole credit for my own accomplishments as I have been greatly blessed by the Lord.  I have always tried to include others along the way.  Many times, I have included others that may not have deserved it.  I have included others even when I have been upset that I was including them in my success.  I have included them so they did not feel forgotten about, left out, or left behind.

I have great anxiety when I lose my portion of control of a situation.  This has many negative consequences.  I refuse to reveal my feelings, when I have them, to gals in whom I am interested.  Often, this has led me to overthink  many, many actions or potential courses of action.  I have jumped to conclusions about what others may think instead of being who I am and letting them think what they may.  I fast forward situations, skip the true reaction of others, and have settled for living in a world of hypothetical reality.  That is unfair to them but, more importantly, that is not fair to me.  They should be allowed to see me for who I am and then I can deal with the consequences.

I feel that not many people know who I really am as a result of my 28 years of scheming (scheming bastard from day 1).  I pass judgment on everybody within seconds of meeting them.  Over and over again, I gather information from the sidelines and from third party reports.  I dare not remove my mask of indifference as this breeds vulnerability.  I only mount up if it is advantageous to me.  This is not to say that I have been an evil, plotting, and calculating mastermind looking to take over the world.

I truly enjoy talking with people and helping them work through their myriad problems.  At times, it is frustrating to deal with others' problems knowing that there is a darkness inside of me that could rot the pope’s soul.  I love helping people through their problems, don’t misunderstand me; however, I need to spend time working on myself.  I often find myself moping or sulking as if to induce others to inquire regarding the matter.  I mistakenly think that this will help me.  Usually, I find it unsatisfactory and become annoyed (if you are wondering if this has ever happened while I have been talking with you, rest easy, you would know if I were annoyed).

I realize that I may have an inflated ego as I believe that I know more and think deeper than most people.  I am not going to pretend that I have all of the answers but I will contest that I know how to think through, and find answers to, many of life’s difficult situations.  I wish not to convey feelings of superiority.  I do wish to express my gratitude for having been blessed with a great mind.  There are several people to whom I know to turn in times of dire need.  My sister Krysta usually has the "you need to turn to the Lord and this is how" advice, my dad has the "you're a good guy, keep your chin up" advice, and my mom has the "quit sulking, you're being a dick, and/or just do it" advice.

I can think my way out of most of life's hardships.  Humor/laughter is considered as the best medicine.  I easily find humor in adverse situations.  I love to laugh.  Sometimes, people dislike that.  I hope you learn to like it because that is who I am.  In my life, I realize more and more that what you think is irrelevant unless I care enough for it to matter.  It may seem like there is a cold overtone to this message but this is not the case.  This message is matter of fact.  This is what I am thinking and I believe that there is much truth to what I am writing.

I love to think.  I LOVE to think.  I LOVE TO THINK.  There really is not a better way to state it.  I love to think about things, people, behaviors, and life.  I love to look into the future, imagine what might be, and prepare for disappointments that may occur.  Sometimes, thinking this way scares the daylights out of me.  I can easily psych myself out.  My first attempt at graduate school is a fine example of that.  With that having been said, I know that I need to bite off the future in a more realistic way.  I could learn a lot from the words of "Mark Owen" as stated in his book No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission that Killed Osama bin Laden, "just focus on getting to the next meal."

“Mark Owen” talks about “being comfortable with being uncomfortable.”  I have run many times from things that have made me uncomfortable, things that may have been fun, exciting, or joyful.  I have run from things because I have been scared (uncomfortable).  I have failed to attempt things because they seem too daunting (uncomfortable).  As of yet, I do not know how things will be different.  I am not going to portray that I have some grandiose plan to become successful.  The way I did things yesterday will not magically be done differently today.

There are many things that I wish I would have done differently earlier in life.  There are paths down which I wish I would have ventured.  The future that lies before me is mine and nobody but I can select how to live it.  I will be molded as I choose to be molded.  Whether I am sculpted by the hand of the Creator or not is up to me.  With caution I will proceed.  I will look to others who have paved the way before me.  When life’s choices lead where no man has traveled, I will forge ahead.  I will blaze a trail that others behind might later follow.

Oft have I struggled to comprehend the effect that I might have on others.  Some remember me well; others quickly forget that I existed.  So too will be the case in the future.  All I can do is cast my light as bright and as far as possible.  Like moths to a flame, those interested will approach and let my light have a lasting effect upon them.  I know that I have a purpose in this life!  I have many purposes to be truthful.  I know neither what lies ahead nor where my life will take me.  All I can do is be present, respect the life that has been given to me, uncover the talents which I have fervently hidden, and go to work.

There is not a singular answer to the question, "what can I do to be successful?"  There are many facets of life in which a person can be successful.  The question is do you want to be successful financially?  Academically?  Physically?  Emotionally?  Mentally?  Bruce Lee?  Obviously, the list is long and it is up to each of us to decide in which of the many facets they wish to succeed.  The next step would be to define success.  What constitutes success?  Is it reading every book, essay, and letter by Thoreau?  Watching every episode of Lost, Friends, or The Jersey Shore?  Visiting every continent?  Speaking several languages?  Bench pressing 315 lbs?  It is important that we define success so that we might know if and when we achieve it.

I believe that it is just as important, if not more so, to be flexible in the definition of success.  Be willing to redefine it.  When success is redefined, do it to raise standards not to lower them.  Once greatness is achieved, it quickly becomes normal.  Once the extraordinary is accomplished, it becomes ordinary.  Enjoying the ride is essential.  When I reach a goal, I am going to celebrate it.  I will thank God for the ability to have reached that goal and move on.

I write to reveal my thoughts.  I have sincere and strong desires to be known as one who had a great influence on others.  I do not care if recognition of such exists.  I wish to be known as one who inspired greatness.  I want a large funeral.  I wish to be eulogized like no one before me.  I cannot have these desires without the willingness to sacrifice.

I have to be willing to sacrifice many of the things which as of yet I have not been willing to give up.  Things which have kept me mired in mediocrity.  My goals are dynamic.  They will change as I grow older and as I mature.  Some days I will have to sacrifice time with family.  I will have to sacrifice sleep.  I will have to sacrifice food (hopefully not that often).  I will have to sacrifice friendships along the way.  Old and comfortable habits will fall by the wayside, victims of a successful life.  Again, I am not able to specify what I will do as I do not yet know what I truly desire.  The path down which I will travel has yet to be selected.  I have ideas of where I want to go.  I have ideas of the people who I wish to take with me.  Beyond right now, waking up tomorrow and going to work is all that I have planned.  That WILL change!  I WILL change!  But as for now...I am going to bed!

The Rat's Reality

I am currently reading "The Power of Habit:  Why we do what we do in life and business".  I'm not that far into the book but had an epiphany while reading pages 14 and 15.  In these pages an experiment is described.  The experiment tested the brain activity of rats while running a maze whose ultimate reward was chocolate.  As the rats set out on their initial meandering, their brains were ablaze as they scratched, sniffed, and pawed their way around.  As time passed, and the rats successfully repeated the race, the activity in the brains of the rats began to dim.  The researchers noted that, with each successive running, each rat became more familiar with the maze, the running of the course became automated, and the rats finished faster and faster.

Much like the brains of these little creatures, our brains are constantly looking for the easiest way.  Our brains categorize activities and create neural highways, down which neural impulses can travel at higher speeds.  As things become automatic, we expend less energy on completing tasks which previously came at great cost.

For most, every day is relatively the same.  Imagine your commute to work.  The traffic is the same day to day and week to week.  You pass the same landmarks, you see the same eighteen-wheelers, and even get cut off by the same jerk.  Now, remember the time(s) that you pulled into work, or up to a friend's house, and couldn't remember having driven there.  You weren't intoxicated (hopefully) and yet you couldn't remember turning at the light.  Your mental conversation might have been similar to my own, "Was I asleep?  Did I run that light?  Good thing nobody ran out in front of me, I probably would have hit them!"  (I doubt that you would have hit them, your brain, although on autopilot, would have recognized the change in the environment) 

Now for the epiphany:


If we switch on autopilot for everyday things in life, then what stops us from doing the same in our spiritual lives?  I submit that the process is the same.  If we do not consciously avoid automating our scripture reading and our prayers, then we run the risk of shutting ourselves off to the inspiration of the Spirit.  That, of course, is not to say that we will not be blessed for reading our scriptures and saying our prayers.  However, how much more beneficial will it be for us to break from our routine of reading the next chapter as quickly as possible, saying our next prayer, and getting on with our day?  I would ask, what is wrong with reading one verse, having a question, and then spending the next 30 minutes (or so) researching that question and the answers?  I have noticed that as I follow the thoughts that I receive, my studies are much more fruitful.

I wish not to convey that I do this every time I study the scriptures.  I am not trying to paint myself as a scholar of scripture.  I, like many that I know, struggle to read my scriptures daily.  Many things in this world call for our attention:  work, school, government, athletics, entertainment, physical fitness, etc.  It is important that we prioritize our lives in the way our Father in Heaven wishes.  Is another game, television show, or book, which may eliminate the time to read from the scriptures, more important than reading the word of God?  I know that reading the scriptures first thing in the morning is best for me to ensure that I read them.  I also know, from experience, that reading the scriptures early is sometimes difficult or even impossible as I stayed up too late the night before. (writing a blog post until after 1 a.m.)

PLANNING - so much of life is planning ahead of time what you will do.  How will you spend your time?  Where will you spend your money?  How can you wake up 15-30 minutes earlier to ensure proper study time?  When temptation strikes, what is your plan?  Who will you call? (I doubt the Ghostbusters can help you here)  Plan to have variation and when plans need changing, be flexible.  After all, our plans do need tweaking from time to time to find their way into harmony with Heaven.

North Star

I am currently reading a book called, "Standing for Something" by Gordon B. Hinckley.  So far, it is a wonderful book that has brought me to think about several things.  In chapter one, President Hinckley describes how love is essential in life.  My point in this post is not about love.  Rather, it is about something else that is mentioned in that first chapter, the North Star.

President Hinckley comments that most of us nowadays are not able to always see the North Star due to the fact that we live in cities and the city lights drown out the firmament.  I immediately felt that this is much the same as the Spirit and the guidance he gives.  Nowadays, the "lights" of the world are getting brighter and trying to drown out the Spirit.  Just as we can choose to venture up into the mountains, get away from the city lights, and see the stars, we can distance ourselves from the worldly lights, receive the guidance from Heavenly Father, and choose to follow it.

Then [Insert Name Here], why are you here?

As I do with every General Conference, I anxiously awaited to hear Elder Holland speak.  I feel that everything that comes out of his mouth is directed right at me.  I enjoy the direction that I receive when he speaks.  This conference was no different as I anxiously awaited and Elder Holland delivered.  However, I had stayed awake until 5:30 a.m. that morning spending time with cousins and had unwittingly entered the day very unprepared.  I tried to remain awake and alert but I feel terrible to admit that sleep overcame me as I desperately hung on for only a few introductory sentences.  I learned that Elder Holland feels more sympathy for the 11 remaining apostles after Christ's death than for any other group in history.  Fade to black.

I woke up an hour or two later, I felt more rested but I also felt that I had missed out.  Thanks to technology I was able to pull up that talk and I have listened to it several times this week.  It is titled "The First Great Commandment." Elder Holland tells the story of the post crucifixion church and ministry in what he calls his own "nonscriptural elaboration."  After Christ had been taken up, Peter, feeling lost and certainly not knowing what to do without the Savior, abandons the ministry and goes fishing.

After a night of catching absolutely nothing, except maybe a few zzzzzzz's and perhaps a cold, the apostles are told by someone on the beach to cast their nets to the other side.  Upon recognizing that it was the Savior who called out to them, Peter threw himself overboard and quickly swam to shore where he rushed over to meet the Savior.  I can only imagine the joy he felt wrapping his arms around the One that brought peace and comfort.  After exchanging heartfelt affection, the Savior asks him, "Peter, do you love me?"  To which Peter promptly responds, "YES!"  The Savior later asks again, "Peter, do you love me?"  "Of course I love thee" is the reply.  Then, a third time the Savior asks the Chief Apostle, "Peter, do you REALLY love me?"  As Elder Holland explains, Peter undoubtedly feels a bit uncomfortable at this question being asked a third time.  However, after examining his feelings he answers, "Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee."  Here is where this story hits home.  The Savior responds, "Then Peter, why are you here?  Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation?  Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish?  What I need, Peter, are disciples -- and I need them forever."

This story illustrates that it is vitally important to the Savior that we become every-moment-disciples.  I find that it is very easy for me to fall back into the same old habits of yesteryear.  Humility is harder to hold onto than anything else in the world.  I was humbled by my failed graduate school attempt to NoDak.  For a time, I drew strength from the Lord every single day.  Then, without realizing it, I became complacent.  I became comfortable in my surroundings.  I became prideful and slowly I have called upon the Lord less and less and have seen that I have struggled more and more.  

As my dear friend Mike said (and Yeah Mike, I called you dear...but in a totally manly way), "It's easy to do evil.  It's easy to not do what we're supposed to do.  Doing what Heavenly Father wants us to do takes work.  And we have to constantly work at it."  When I listen to Elder Holland say the phrase, "Then [Brian], why are you here?" it is as if I hear him say, "If you love the Savior, then why are you doing this?"  I imagine, Why are you here...watching that inappropriate television program or movie, wasting your time with that video game, forgoing your scripture reading, avoiding your responsibilities as a home teacher, entertaining that temptation, overeating, failing to trust me...I'm sure I could go on but I'm sensing there isn't enough Prozac in the world if I continue what was meant to be a short list.

As hopeless as I make myself sound, I gain strength knowing that the Lord beckons, "If you truly love Me, then come over here and I will show you how to demonstrate it!"  I know that I can do what Heavenly Father wants me to do.  It is so simple.  The Savior is not asking us to give up our lives in the same way that He did.  He asks that we give up our lives in the service of our fellow beings, our brothers and sisters.

Like Dragons Did They Fight

Last night I read my scriptures and said my prayer before going to bed. I felt like I was simply going through the motions to be obedient. I felt that I needed to make a more conscious effort to get up early this morning and read from the Book of Mormon before starting the rest of my day. I am exceedingly thankful that I had the strength to wake up a little earlier and to read from Mosiah 20.

I have read this chapter on numerous occasions previously. However, this is the first time that verse 11 has struck me as interesting. The Lamanites had supposed that several of their daughters had been kidnapped by the people of King Limhi. The Lamanites attacked the people of King Llimhi. His people are fighting, defending themselves against a Lamanite army that is much more numerous than their own. Limhi's people began to drive the Lamanite army into retreat. The second half of verse 11, speaking of Limhi's people, explains, "they fought for their lives, and for their wives, and for their children; therefore they exerted themselves and like dragons did they fight."

Like dragons did they fight! I am not yet a husband nor a father. I can only imagine the ferocity with which they fought. As my mind wrapped around the concept of this fighting, I felt the whispering of the Spirit. It seemed to say, "We, too, need to 'fight like dragons' in the war against sin. We ARE literally fighting for our spiritual lives...and those of our wives and our children." I feel that the time for simply worshiping on Sunday is over, if it really even existed and I doubt it did. We need to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause." (Doctrine & Covenants 58:27) We need to "watch [ourselves], and [our] thoughts, and [our] words, and [our] deeds." (Mosiah 4:30)

Satan is trying to destroy the work and glory of our Heavenly Father. That's us! He's trying to destroy us. He is being clever about it, too. Why do you think that TV shows have had the tendency to start relatively mild? You watch the show in its more mild beginning, gain a love for the characters and then, over the life of most sitcoms, the show becomes more suggestive, more crude, and all around more perverse. As society embraces evil, we are seeing television shows that no longer waste time. They start out crude and perverse.

The New Norm, a show on NBC, is an example of the perversion in today's media. The name itself is a contradiction. Norm, as defined on Merriam-Webster.com, is:

1 - an authoritative standard2 - a principle of right action binding upon the members of a group and serving to guide, control, or regulate proper and acceptable behavior

Therefore, in order to have a "new norm" one must lay aside the current standard and set up a new one. God's laws are unchanging. He does not change His standards and neither should we. Satan is ever attacking the family. He tries to convince us that homosexuality is "the new norm" and that if we take a stand against it then we are heathens. He uses sarcasm and statistics to deceive the minds of those not prepared to fight against him and his minions.

I know this because, in the past, I have been deceived. I have heard people say, "half of marriages end in divorce anyways, gays have the same right to be unhappy as the rest of us." That's like saying, "more than half of all Americans are overweight or obese so it's okay." It's not okay! I wish not to come across as hypocritical nor judgmental. I simply wish to point out that standards are standards. They don't change! And they certainly don't change simply because we, as flawed individuals, change.

Satan is unleashing his worst attacks and we need to be prepared for it. I hope that we can all fight like dragons for our lives, for the lives of our wives and husbands, for our children, for our friends, and for all of our brothers and sisters. Read the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. Pray to our Father in Heaven. Trust in Jesus Christ. Have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. Learn to trust that plan. Have faith that Christ will not abandon you ever, especially in your most difficult and trying times. They love us! I know that is true. I am so thankful for the redeeming power of the Atonement. "I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine." (Hymn 193 - I Stand All Amazed) If I was not beyond saving, then nobody is.

Go to...and There Will l Meet Thee

The past few months have been full of spiritual growth.  I would be remiss if I did not give credit where credit is due. Heavenly Father, in all His wisdom and love, has allowed this spiritual growing and has blessed me as I "seek [His] face." It would be impossible for me to fully thank Heavenly Father for His goodness and mercy just as it would be impossible to fully thank Jesus Christ for His atoning sacrifice and deliverance from sin and death. The last few weeks have been great weeks of and for spiritual growth. I have learned a lot and I am so much happier today than I have been for years. I have begun diligently reading in the scriptures which has brought about much change and much understanding. I have been blessed to have a wealth of spiritual promptings, inspirations, and revelations. I have had the good fortune of having the best family on the planet. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful people in the world.

I could never do this alone. Although it may feel like it at times, I am extremely happy that I am not asked to "go it alone." I have a bishop, Bishop Farnsworth, who is a spiritual giant and truly a man of God. His two counselors, Brothers Dodson and Thomas, are great examples of family men. All three are fine examples for all of us men in the Mt. Mahogany Young Single Adult (YSA) Ward.

We recently had our Alpine YSA Summer Summit which had been explained to us as an "EFY-type" event organized for the single adults aged 18-31 in the north Utah County area. It took place Friday through Sunday evening. The events began Friday evening with a carnival, ward tug-o-wars, "speed-dating", and the night concluded with BYU's Divine Comedy. Saturday was comprised of a 5k run, an opening keynote speech by Robert Millet, two hours of workshops (6 different 1 hour classes of which you could select 2), lunch and a service project, and a concluding keynote speech by Mike Schlappi...all of this before 3 p.m. We adjourned until later that evening when there was a Peter Breinholt concert (guest appearance by Ryan Shupe). Following the concert, there was a dance held outside of the school where the concert was held. The Summer Summit concluded with a devotional on Sunday evening. Scott Anderson, institute teacher extraordinaire, spoke on the wondrous blessings of the Gospel, especially the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It was a great meeting and I am so glad that I had the opportunity to attend. However, I most likely would have avoided it had it not been for the wonderful people surrounding me in life.

Several weeks ago, Brother Thomas shared a message in ward council regarding the upcoming Alpine YSA Summer Summit. He related the story of the Brother of Jared when the Lord confounded the languages at the Tower of Babel. It was asked of the Lord that He not confound the language of Jared and his friends and family. They also inquired where they should go. The Lord replied, "go to...and there will I meet thee." (Ether 1:41-42) Brother Thomas and Bishop shared that this was the feeling they got in regards to the Summer Summit. Bishop stated, and then reiterated it to the whole ward in Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School, that the Summer Summit had been organized under inspiration. He said that the Spirit was going to be at the Summer Summit and it was up to us to meet Him there. Bishop also said, "don't be too concerned with what you're going to get out of this...be concerned with what you might be able to contribute. This helped me focus on what I could do to better the experience for others in attendance.

A strange thing happened, however, which made me think of the words of Christ, "but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it." (Mark 8:35) Several times during the weekend, I wanted to leave and go home to what was comfortable, "remember Lot's wife." (Luke 17:32) I might not have lost my mortal life if I had returned home on any one of those occasions but I would have surely missed out on several spiritual experiences and would have lost the life that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ wanted for me. I am very happy to say that I stayed all weekend. Several times I had the opportunity to reach out to someone in need. However, I know that many, many more times I felt the hands stretched out to me, bearing me up in my times of need. Several people helped me and, though it may sound cheesy, I will forever be grateful. I was filled with so much happiness and felt the Spirit so strongly this weekend that I was often brought to tears.

I was hesitant before Brother Thomas and Bishop Farnsworth bore testimony of the importance of being at this activity. I could not deny the power with which they spoke. I knew that it was true. This was a great opportunity for me to grow and to learn. I signed up to go within minutes after our ward council meeting without knowing if I could even have the time off of work. I knew that I belonged at the Summer Summit and that it was my duty to be there. I actually thought to myself, "If you can't get work off for this, then you shouldn't be working there anyway." I don't know if I would have had the faith to quit my job if it had come down to that. I'd like to think, knowing what I now know, that I would have gladly walked away. Luckily for me, it did not come down to that. I believe that most decisions in life will not be very dramatic. However, when it does come time for the dramatic decision, it is my hope that we can each rise to the occasion and choose to be on the Lord's side.

Gratitude fills my body, my soul, as I think of the Savior rising to the occasion for each and every one of us. It is my personal belief that He took upon Him every pain (read sorrow, illness, disease, addiction, etc.) as it is experienced by each individual person. He didn't suffer for us in general and He doesn't bear us up "in general." There is no doubt in my mind that He loves us all. I am so thankful for Him and for His perfect love for me.

Follow the Spirit...No Matter What

Elder David A. Bednar explains in his book "Increase in Learning" that we are to act, as agents, and not be acted upon, as objects. There is a scripture that I like to read when talking about following the Spirit. Nephi had just returned to Jerusalem to recover the brass plates from Laban. He acted upon the commandment that he had received from the Lord, via his father, Lehi. After their plan was frustrated the first time, Nephi returns to attempt again, explaining that he knows the Lord will provide a way for them to fulfill their purpose. He states, "and I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." (1 Nephi 4:6)

I recently had an experience with this sort of guidance. I was dealing with temptation, as happens so often in this carnal and devilish world. I prayed to be protected and that I would make the right decisions regarding said temptation. I was delivered from the temptation and was very happy. Foolishly, I let my guard down and, as happens with temptation, the Devil returned tempting me again. I wasn't as faithful this time and fell into temptation. The accompanying feelings of despair and loneliness were overwhelming. In this moment, following the sin, I knew that I had to make a choice. I could choose to wallow in self-pity and "whoa-is-me-ishness" or I could pray for forgiveness and recommit myself to our Father in Heaven.

I chose to pray and I am very glad that I did. I asked Heavenly Father, through the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to forgive me of the aforementioned sin and to help me move forward. A question came to my mind. The question was posed the Thursday prior by President Robbins, an institute teacher in the Alpine Utah YSA Stake. He asked, "do you think that you have ever done anything that has surprised, angered, or embarrassed the Savior Jesus Christ?" The answer he gave was, "No!" He explained that the Savior knows that we live in a carnal world ruled by Satan. He knows that there will be missteps along the way. He loves us so very much that He bore our sin, our grief, and our pain. He will stand by us as we have faith in Him and strive to do what is right. This was a very comforting feeling. I continued praying.

I asked Heavenly Father to help me become worthy of the guidance of the Holy Ghost again. I promptly received the inspiration that I should attend the temple and do work for the dead. I shrugged off what I considered to be a crazy thought as I knew that I was not worthy to attend the temple. However, that feeling returned and forced me to consider what I was feeling. I felt the Spirit as if it said, "If you get ready and go to the temple now, you are worthy to go. If you wait to go until tomorrow, then you will not be worthy to enter." I knew that I needed to follow that prompting, as crazy as it seemed to my intellect.

I got up and got dressed to go to the temple. While I was driving to the temple, I wrestled with the thought of having very recently sinned and heading to the temple to participate in sacred ordinances. I continued to feel that it was right, even if it did not jibe with my current understanding. I arrived at the temple and as I pulled into the parking lot, a flood understanding washed over me. I understood the feelings and the promptings that I had received. You see, it was July 24. Here in Utah, that is Pioneer Day. A day celebrating the arrival of the first Latter-day Saint Pioneers to the Salt Lake Valley. As a result, the temple was closed. I had completely forgotten that the temple was closed. I parked in the parking lot and briefly admired the beauty of that building and the wonderful work that is performed inside. I marvel to think of the love of the Father to allow us to worship together and perform work for the deceased. I began to pray as I sat in my car.

The feelings of reassurance came into my heart, knowing that my Heavenly Father had directed me to that specific spot at that exact moment. I felt His Spirit as if it said, "My son, I wanted you to prove your willingness to change, to diligently act in faith, and to choose to follow the Spirit, 'not knowing beforehand the things which [you] should do.' (1 Nephi 4:6) I have brought you here, not to do temple work, but to teach you the importance of listening to the Spirit."

I wish to stop here for a moment and clarify that I am not comparing myself to Nephi, the great prophet of the Book of Mormon. I wish that one day I might show the same faith that he always did. I think of his rallying cry, "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul...Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions." (2 Nephi 4:28-29) I love this chapter of scripture, often referred to as Nephi's Psalm. Midway through the chapter Nephi begins to describe his feelings of inadequacy. He explains that, at times, he feels almost overpowered by the adversary. However, he continues to pray to the Father of us all. He thanks Heavenly Father for his goodness and mercy. He has feelings of sorrow, despair, loneliness, and a host of feelings that knock us down. But as is always the case with the faithful followers of Christ, Nephi always gets back up.

"Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord...wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me...encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness...I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever...I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee..." (2 Nephi 4:30-35)

This experience has taught me several very valuable lessons. First, our Heavenly Father loves us. He knows us on an extremely intimate level and has a plan for the salvation of each one of us. He knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts. Second, worthiness does not come merely through the passage of time but through the changing of the heart. For this reason, and others, we are not to judge others, especially when it comes to repentance. Third, the power of the adversary is strong and it is very real. I have felt that power as if it were a blanket of darkness that tries to overpower you in a spiritual, as well as physical way. This is the moment of choice.

You may "choose captivity and death" by allowing the darkness to fill your mind and your heart or you may "choose liberty and eternal life" by praying for deliverance from that awful being. We are "free to choose" (2 Nephi 2:27) but we do not have to choose nor walk alone. Speaking of the influence of the Holy Ghost, Elder Richard G. Scott explained, "I do not understand fully how it is done, but that guidance in your life does not take away your agency. You can make the decisions you choose to make..." (April 2012 - General Conference Saturday Afternoon) I hope that we can make the decision to follow Christ's example and be perfected in Him.

I know that He is our Savior and that He bled and died for us. He suffered immense pain which caused Him, the Greatest of all, to tremble. (Doctrine & Covenants 19:18) He fought, and suffered, and died to give us the right of agency. He made it possible for us to choose for ourselves, to seek learning, and to come unto the Father. He is the ONLY way back to the Father.

Obedience to that Law

I have recently learned a powerful lesson. This is a lesson that I have been taught ever since I can remember and yet, only now at 28 years old, am I learning it. Every blessing given to any person on earth is given according to the laws of justice. "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." (Galatians 6:7)

I have spent the last 7 weeks trying to draw nearer unto my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have been blessed with many promptings, inspirations, and revelations that have guided me as I seek to renew my life as a disciple of Christ. I have been blessed to face challenges up against which I might otherwise have shrunk. I have been given the strength to walk by faith, the patience to endure, and the clarity of mind to discern between good and evil.


I have been working at a call center sales job for 5 weeks, now. I figured that I would be blessed and would know how to sell well, as long as I was doing what was right. What I did not count on, was that what I was doing, while good and spiritual, was not the answer to the question, "how do I sell this product better?"


I was reading in Elder Bednar's book "Increase in Learning" when I came across a powerful teaching that now makes more sense. Elder Bednar was asked about the role of the Spirit when it comes to matters that are not directly related to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. His answer was both needful and timely. He said that one mission of the Holy Ghost is to bring ALL things to our remembrance and teach ALL things that are needful. Insomuch that we are agents to act, and not be acted upon, it is our responsibility to be diligently working and taking in information. He used the example of being a new employee (coincidence? No, I choose to believe it was a "tender mercy of the Lord"). I knew what I needed to do. I needed to focus more on learning my job and the information surrounding my job. This way, the Holy Ghost had something to work with. A day or two before reading that, I also read from Sheri Dew's "No One Can Take Your Place." Talking about scripture reading, and this can relate to all learning, she states that a friend exclaimed that there was so much in the scriptures that she couldn't remember half of what she read. Her friend continued, "But I've decided it's my job to put them in, and the Holy Ghost's job to pull them out when I need them."


I am happy to report that I was blessed to have my best day yet and that when I left work on Saturday, I had been blessed to have the most sales on the call floor. I know that learning is essential in this life. We have the chance and the choice, as well as the responsibility, to learn every day of our lives.


Heavenly Father has blessings in store for us but he can't simply give us those gifts. He desires that we learn and grow. Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught that, "He is a tender parent who would spare us needless suffering and grief..." There are two things that we can take away from that statement. The first, and most important, is that our Heavenly Father loves us dearly. The second take away is that there definitely will be suffering along the way but, He has promised that the suffering has a purpose. He understands that this life will include testing, pain, anguish, and struggle. He "delights to honor those who serve [Him]." (Doctrine and Covenants 76:5) He put laws in place in order to give us every blessing possible. "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated. And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." (Doctrine and Covenants 130:20-21) He will not leave us alone. We can have his Spirit to be with us ALWAYS. I know this to be true and I am so thankful for a Loving Heavenly Father that guides every child that asks for his help. I hope that many more can learn to recognize the Spirit of the Lord so they, too, may be led into all good!

Promised Blessings from Heaven

For a time, I dated a gal who was very wonderful. I felt drawn to her beautiful eyes, great spirit, and cheerful demeanor. After several weeks, I knew how I had begun to feel about her and wished to pursue a more established relationship. This gave me a sense of Déjà vu, due to the fact that every other relationship that I have had, at least in the realm of dating, has ended in heartbreak. I did not wish to go down that road again. I was reluctant to face those emotions and to openly discuss how I felt with her.

After several promptings and subsequent conversation, I felt to talk with her that evening. Having been a coward much of my life, I knew only to rely on the Lord for the strength to follow the feeling that I had. I thought "If I open myself and share those emotions and those feelings are not reciprocated, I will be crushed!" I wrestled with that feeling for most of the evening, drawing strength through reading the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's book "Trusting Jesus" and through prayer. I pressed on, trusting that the Lord would help me to share what I felt, I prayed for patience until I understood the Lord's plan, I prayed that I would be faithful, no matter the outcome of the conversation that was now imminent.

I was relieved to feel the warmth that I have come to enjoy more and more frequently. An overwhelming sense of peace and reassurance encircled me. I felt as if Heavenly Father spoke to me saying, "My son, I am happy that you have chosen to trust in Me and in the plan that I have for you." I knew that initiating that conversation at that moment in time, although it had not happened yet but was sure to come within the next 24 hours, was the right thing to do. I did not know what would come of it but now I knew that whatever did come, this was the Lord's will for me.

I briefly exchanged texts with her as she said she couldn't talk that evening. She said that she would call the next day. As we had arranged, she called me the following evening and we spoke. I expressed my desires to date her, and only her, and asked where she stood on the matter. She did not feel the same feelings that I felt. She still wanted to date and spend time together but wanted to leave her options open. I was happy to find that the crushing pain of previous experiences did not come. I felt at peace with what she expressed and again felt the reassurance that this was the will of the Lord.

With this news, my confidence seemed to INCREASE and not to DECREASE. I took strength in the words of President Thomas S. Monson, "one of the greatest and most valuable lessons we can learn in mortality is that when God speaks and a man obeys, that man will always be right." The result of the conversation was not what I had hoped for. However, I know that I had felt prompted to speak the words which I had spoken at that specific moment. Elder Richard G. Scott taught, "With certainty, you will receive every promised blessing for which you are worthy." I know this is true and I look forward with hope to those "promised blessings."

Response

***Caution, I don't know the official church doctrine/standing here and if I am wrong I apologize. You can always research your own answers at www.lds.org***

This post is in response to a video and comments found at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1-F_ih1ePY

I welcome all comments and hope that I will be able to answer your questions.

I guess first, I would like state that I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe that it is very easy for us to believe we have found the things for which we are looking (i.e., she states that she was "looking for false prophecies by Joseph Smith"). She cites Doctrine and Covenants 84:4-5 and speculates that it refers to a temple that is to be built in Far West (see other prophecies about the gathering of the saints to Far West). The Kirtland Temple was finished within a couple of years.

She references several verses in Revaltion 21:

1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband

22 And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.

I believe that the new Jerusalem must be built as a gathering place for the Saints and at the "time of burning" which is spoken of in the Bible, the righteous Saints will be brought up with the Lord and the earth and heaven will pass away (see verse 1). The return of this city is what John sees in verse 2. Verse 22, the purpose of temples is to prepare us with the covenants and ordinances necessary for eternal life. Therefore, when the new Jerusalem returns to Earth, there will not be need of temples.

As for the last bit, about following by blind faith, I do have something to say. I would say that we should do things because we have a testimony that they are true. I am one who grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I served as a missionary to the Hispanic population in the Cincinnati, OH area for two years. I returned home at the age of 21 in 2005. Since then, I have struggled to live by the standards of the Gospel and have found varying levels of satisfaction with my life. When I sin, there is an inner peace that I lose as I allow Satan to possess a portion of my heart.

2 Nephi 4:27-28:

27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

I know that I could give up at any moment and the feelings of guilt would eventually subside and I would be numb. However, this is not my intention in life. I am here to grow and to learn. I will continue to fight against Satan and his servants. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that the revelations given through the prophets in the Doctrine and Covenants are true. I know that the Bible is true. I know that I cannot force anybody to believe my words. I cannot force anybody to believe the words of the Lord. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who was prepared in a good Christian home to bring forth the restoration of the fulness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.