The Power of the Four Imperfections

Today, I finished reading “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.  The day before I finished that book, I also read “The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz.  Just now, I have picked up and started reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.  By choosing these three books, I never expected a correlation between them.  However, as I have been reading and contemplating their messages, I have noticed a recurring theme.  BELIEF OVER TIME!

In “The Power of Habit,” Duhigg describes that the central idea behind understanding and changing habits is the “habit loop”.  The habit loop consists of three items:  the cue, the routine, and the reward.  In order to change the routine (the habit), whatever it may be, you need to isolate the cue (the preceding action) behind it and identify the reward (the payoff).  Towards the end of the text, he identifies that the key ingredient behind changing behavior is believing that your behavior can be altered.  Once you believe that you can change, begin experimenting with your habit loops.  Know that you will fail and revert to old habits at times throughout the process but stick with it.  Belief over time!

Don Miguel Ruiz introduces the word agreement in a new way.  He explains that we all make agreements regarding everything around us.  What is sin?  What is good?  What is sad?  What is green?  He then introduces the four agreements that can change us.  Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and do your best.  In summary, he explains that part of doing your best is understanding that you will slip up with the first three agreements but that these slip ups are OK.  Do your best to begin again and change your world.  Belief over time!

Brené Brown introduces ten separate ideas or "guideposts" that, if lived by, can lead to living a more wholehearted life.  Brown has spent years researching shame and shame resiliency.  However, in "The Gifts of Imperfection", she addresses the steps that we can take to reclaiming our true selves and begin to really love life.  According to her research, wholehearted people (those who she describes as the happiest) practice the following guideposts (key activities):

1 - Authenticity  

2 - Self-Compassion

3 - Resiliency of Spirit

4 - Gratitude and Joy

5 - Intuition and Trusting Faith

6 - Creativity

7 - Play and Rest

8 - Calm and Stillness

9 - Meaningful Work

10 - Laughter, Song, and Dance

These are all important aspects of a fulfilling life.  Most of us need to work on several, if not all, of these areas.  They will not come all at once.  Change will not happen overnight.  However, there is a formula that will help cultivate these characteristics and that is, Belief over time!

Several days have passed since I began this writing.  I have taken the time to finish “The Gifts of Imperfection.”  I could say that this, along with the other books I have read this week, have changed my life.  I would be remiss to not give some credit to these books for the current state of my mind.  However, I have thought deeply and received many inspirational thoughts that didn't come from any book.  Tender mercies from the Lord have allowed my mind to be open to further light and knowledge.

For years, I spent my life believing that I was made up of all of this wisdom.  I believed that I was special because thoughts came so readily to my mind to help solve even the most difficult situations that life has to offer.  As I have learned over the last two years or so, I have been blessed immensely by the Spirit.  I have learned that these thoughts aren't random and they aren't my own.  These thoughts are a product of looking for answers and having those answers given to me.

I believed that I had cultivated the keys to happiness myself.  However, I have learned through trial, error, and disappointment that joy does not come from having enough, being enough, or doing enough.  It comes from understanding that we already have enough, we are enough, and that we are doing enough.  We need to be careful, though, so we do not become complacent.  Complacency breeds comparison and comparison leads to an attitude of “not measuring up."

Through today, we have done, we have learned, and we have become enough.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow we have the opportunity to do, learn, and become more.  Fret not the past as it has taken flight.  Be who YOU desire to be!  Learn what YOU want to learn!  Do what YOU choose to do!  As Brené Brown states in “The Gifts of Imperfection,” don’t be someone that you are not simply to fit in; be your true self and love and belonging will find and welcome you!

Be authentic and you will find your true self.  It might be scary, you might feel vulnerable, and you may discover intimate details that you have not been ready to see, yet.  That’s OK!  When we lean into discomfort instead of running from it, we become acquainted with our true powers.  We see us for who we really are.  We are human.  We are imperfect.  And dammit, we are awesome!

To Thine Own Self Be True

I have spent the last month or so mired in terrible feelings.  These feelings have been some of the darkest of my life and this is in large part due to mistakes that I had recently made.  I have often gotten the feeling that the Lord doesn’t need me.  I have been lost and confused.  Can I really be forgiven of my sins?  Does Heavenly Father really love me?  Did Jesus Christ truly suffer everything for ME?

I know that I can be forgiven of my sins.  If I KNOW that, then why is it so hard to BELIEVE?  I know that Heavenly Father loves every single one of His children, so why is it difficult for me to believe that He loves me?  I know that Christ’s sacrifice was INFINITE and yet I find it nearly impossible to believe that His infinite sacrifice includes me.

I like to read over my previous writings to see the ups and downs.  I like to read the wisdom that has been granted to me throughout the years and sometimes regain some of that wisdom that I may have lost through negligence on my part.  I just re-read my latest blog post on here.  About ¾ of the way through, I came across the following paragraph:

I write to reveal my thoughts.  I have sincere and strong desires to be known as one who had a great influence on others.  I do not care if recognition of such exists.  I wish to be known as one who inspired greatness.  I want a large funeral.  I wish to be eulogized like no one before me.  I cannot have these desires without the willingness to sacrifice.

I have had a thought, recently, that has left me questioning my worth.  My entire life I have believed myself to be a caring person.  However, I wonder about my level of care for others.  Do I truly care about them?  Or am I finding meaning in my life by caring about others?  This has come to my mind because of the feelings that I have been having.  I have felt worthless.  I have felt powerless.

Why would I feel worthless if I derived my sense of self-worth from within?  Why would I feel powerless if my power comes from within?  The truthful answer is that I wouldn’t feel this way if I was ok on the inside.  If I were to pick apart my life and look at it objectively I would have positive and negative things to say about it.  So, why do I only find the negative right now?  Well, I guess I am finding the positive right now…but the recent past was different.

For quite some time, I have believed that people have needed me and because I was needed, I felt that I had value.  I believe that this is one major reason that I have tried to help people with their problems.  Yet, as I have looked around me, I have noticed that nobody needs me.  My friends, who I thought needed me, do and will get along just fine with or without me.  My family, who I thought had need of me, does just fine while I am away.  What happens when your self-worth is determined by the people that “need” you and you discover that no one truly does need you?  You realize that your life is hollow and meaningless; at least it feels that way.

Where do you go when you’re no longer needed?  What do you do when all you know is to help other people?  How do you fill the pit that your life has become?  How do you find greatness in yourself when, for so long, you have measured your greatness in relation to the company that you have kept?  Where does greatness come from?

Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true!”  What does it mean to be true to oneself?  Does it mean to be self-serving?  Does it mean to neglect the feelings of others?  Does it mean to be introverted?  Think about it; I know that I have.  I have thought about this extensively.  “To what conclusion have I arrived,” you might ask.  I have decided that the meaning of this phrase is deeper than I had previously believed.  I do not believe it is a simple action.  I do not believe that it is just doing but that it includes defining!

In order to be true to yourself, you have to know who YOU are!  You have to know your values.  You have to know your desires.  You have to explore the inner workings of your soul and discover what it is that makes you happy and what makes you sad.  You will find that which makes you angry.  You will find that which makes you scared.  It is not easy but it is simple.  Be willing to open up to yourself and you will find a friend that you never knew existed.  You’ll find someone who knows you better than anyone else.  You have to trust yourself.  You have to listen to the voice that tells you the truth about you, regardless of how much it may hurt.

The saying, “you are your own worst critic,” is true for most people!  However, you do not have to be.  You can be your biggest fan.  In your quiet moments, you can be the one to give yourself a pep talk.  You can pick yourself back up and dust yourself off.  After all, you are the one that will have to sleep with yourself tonight.  You have to look yourself in the mirror.  Others may avoid you if they deem necessary but you cannot avoid you.  Let’s be honest, why would you want to avoid yourself?

You understand what you are going through and you understand what you feel while going through it!  You know how and why you hurt.  You know why you laugh and what makes you do so.  You know who you love and you know who heals your heart.  You know who takes your breath away and who you want to be with.  Others will try to persuade you one way or the other.  Most of them have good intentions but none with pure, unbiased reasons.  Trust what you feel and you will find happiness.  You’re amazing!  There’s so much for you to do here.  Find it!  Do it!  Enjoy it!

Poetry

I am so grateful for my love of poetry...I'm not the greatest poet...and sometimes I forget to rhyme...but I get to use words that I would never use in normal, everyday speech...I love it!  Everywhere I look, I see awesomeness.  I have been richly blessed in my life to have such wonderful friends...if you are one...thank you!  I recently (yesterday) wrote a poem, a tribute if you will, to great friends. The following was pulled from my poetry blog:

Upwards Friend

They say true friends are hard to find
Yet when that thought comes to my mind
I beg to differ as I look around
I see the many friends I've found

How is it that I'm so richly blessed
Yet oft I've thought myself as less
OH! What a fool that I have been
To bitch and moan that I've no friend

I've doubted so much in my life
Yet now I see the goodness rife
It's in their smiles, it's in their eyes
It's in their love, friendship I surmise

I can't describe this change inside
Yet thanks I give to a caring guide
A friend indeed who called, Bull shit!
"Find the good, your life's full of it!"

A friend will cry and hold you tight
Yet push you on to greater heights
A friend will laugh, make your heart swell
A friend is one who knows you well

A friend is one who'll call your bluff
Yet know exactly when enough's enough
A friend is one who knows your heart
How it beats and how it to start

A friend knows how to help and heal
Yet haven't studied you in the least
From their heart love shines on forth
Sets you aright and gives you life!

--BUZZ