It's Not My Fault

I just finished reading a chapter in two different books this evening.  Helaman Chapter 1 in the Book of Mormon and Chapter 7 “Normal and Abnormal, and When ‘Different’ Becomes Pathological” in The Emotional Life of Your Brain.  Both were great reads.  Both were well worth my time.

I tend to generalize out (based on the thought that I’m pretty normal and I figure that many other normal people experience similar feelings and experiences) and therefore when I say “I”, it can also mean the general you (including you, the reader, too).  A thought has come to my mind as I pondered about the choices that I make in life.  I thought about the thoughts that come to my mind.  I thought about the phrase “it’s not my fault”.

Heavenly Father gave me weakness, he told me so himself in Ether chapter 12, verse 27:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

It’s not my fault that my body reacts a certain way as I am confronted with a stimulus.  A physically attractive woman activates certain parts of my brain, it’s not my fault.  Rude words from another cause me to hurt, it’s not my fault.  Falling short and disappointing others make me depressed inside, it’s not my fault.

How I respond and the actions that I take, THAT is my fault.  The preparations that I make and the care I take, THAT is my fault.  The humility I cultivate, THAT is my fault.

Woman is God’s most perfect creation.  He worked and organized and planned and planted and filled this world.  Once he had created woman, he ceased from all his labors for a season.  There is no wonder in the attraction man feels for woman.  Excepting the Spirit, she is the closest to Heaven with whom we can interact.

It’s not my fault I yearn for affection.  It IS my fault if I step over bounds.  If I wander into forbidden paths, as I search for that affection.  If I seek that affection through false means (pornography, fornication, etc.), then it most certainly is my fault.  The patience, the work, the hurt that it takes to prove myself worthy seems too difficult at times.  Especially as the world (Satan) offers instant satisfaction.

However, there is no warning label provided by the Devil.  That temporary satisfaction is followed by pain and guilt, frustration and disbelief, loneliness and despair.  Much like any other sin, the only way to rid yourself of the pain (without repentance) is to fill your life with more and more of it.  There comes a time when there is no amount of sin that can fulfill the need for relief.  THAT is what we call “Rock Bottom”.

Maybe it’s called rock bottom because it feels like we've hit the rocks at the bottom of the cliff from which we have fallen.  I think that maybe it’s called rock bottom because that’s when we realize that we must have The Rock as our foundation.  We realize that the only way to experience true happiness is to have Christ as the center of our lives.  The only true way to live is to live according to his commandments.

That was an unexpected tangent but I feel strongly about placing Christ at the center of our hearts.

In institute, this past week, we spoke about social conditioning.  I believe that what I have been stating goes along with this concept.  Emotions that we feel are not our fault in that moment.  Those emotions are a conditioned response to the stimulus we encounter.  So, in fact, my response is not my fault but the fault of my former self.

As I have continued to progress and seek after righteousness, there have been many truths revealed to me.  One of those truths is that I am not the same person that I was one decade, one year, or even simply one month ago.  Another truth is that my current self has to answer for problems that my former self created.

The choices I have made have led me to react in specific ways.  Sure, this can be changed and it takes a whole lot of effort and a whole lot of prayer.  The great part is that this means that I can condition myself (really a combination of guidance from Heavenly Father and personal effort) to love the things of righteousness and abhor wickedness.  Like Nephi, I can learn to “shake at the appearance of sin” (2 Nephi 4:31).

In his April 2010 General Conference address, Elder Holland gave us a few pointers on how to re-condition ourselves for service in God’s kingdom:

• Start by separating yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you.
• Along with filters on computers and a lock on affections, remember that the only real control in life is self-control. Exercise more control over even the marginal moments that confront you.
• If a TV show is indecent, turn it off.
• If a movie is crude, walk out.
• If an improper relationship is developing, sever it.

He continues to say, “Many of these influences, at least initially, may not technically be evil, but they can blunt our judgment, dull our spirituality, and lead to something that could be evil.  An old proverb says that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, so watch your step.”

In the same conference, President Thomas S. Monson gave similar warnings:

• Pornography is especially dangerous and addictive. Curious exploration of pornography can become a controlling habit, leading to coarser material and to sexual transgression. Avoid pornography at all costs.
• Don’t be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what’s being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father’s standards. In short, if you have any question about whether a particular movie, book, or other form of entertainment is appropriate, don’t see it, don’t read it, don’t participate.
• Hard drugs, wrongful use of prescription drugs, alcohol, coffee, tea, and tobacco products destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Any form of alcohol is harmful to your spirit and your body. Tobacco can enslave you, weaken your lungs, and shorten your life.
• Music can help you draw closer to your Heavenly Father. It can be used to educate, edify, inspire, and unite. However, music can, by its tempo, beat, intensity, and lyrics, dull your spiritual sensitivity. You cannot afford to fill your minds with unworthy music.
• Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage as well as full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date with respect and expect your date to show that same respect for you. Tears inevitably follow transgression.

I would recommend both of these talks!  Watch the videos if you don’t want to read.

In conclusion, while the thoughts that come into my mind right now may not technically be my fault, the attention that I pay to them is my fault.  Also, the thoughts that will come into my mind a week, a month, or a year from now will be a result of what I choose to put into my mind right now.  They will be a choice that I will make between now and then.  It is up to me to fill my mind with the scriptures, wholesome music, the words of the living prophets, and learning from every good book!

My Heavenly Father Loves Me

I was fixed on writing about another topic and as the words failed to come, I couldn’t help but write of the love of our Heavenly Father. For 20+ years I was content with life…I was doing the things that I knew were right. For the most part, I was a righteous man. However, I was never converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I didn’t really know what conversion was. Maybe I still don’t.

However, after enduring self-made trials that led me back to the loving embrace of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I started to understand the gospel a little more. I understand that God will never abandon us. I have often felt alone. I have cried myself to sleep. I have felt as though I were in the pit of despair. I have felt abandoned and left for dead. However, I have never been alone. I know, though many times I couldn’t feel Him, Heavenly Father was closer than I can imagine. Our Savior has lifted me time and time again.

They have never given up on me though many times I have given up on myself. There have been plenty of instances in which I wish the Lord would have just given up on me; it would be so much easier I have thought. John Grady Cole, in Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses, comes to the conclusion that “it was always himself that the coward abandoned first.” I have been a coward much in my life. I have given up on me, I have given up on my family, and I have given up on God.

For a time, I even started to understand Atheism. For at times it feels easier to deny a belief in a God than it is to live up to what He expects. I believe there is a great difference between disbelieving in a God as part of a search for truth and disbelieving in a God to avoid responsibility. However, I have come to the understanding that belief in God is the ONLY thing that ultimately makes sense. Faith in my Creator and my Savior is the only way to reconcile the bounteous wonders around us.

The human body with all of its qualities is astounding. The more we understand about the human brain, the more it becomes a mystery. As we gaze into the night skies, worlds without numbers appear before our eyes. The Lord could have shrouded these stars, galaxies, and planets from view. He chose to allow us to see them so we can wonder. As we explore these nebulae, our minds are opened to greater questions.

The more we trust in our Father in Heaven, the more assured we become. At times, it is difficult to carry on. Sometimes we feel lost, small, or insignificant. I know that I have felt that way recently. But we have a duty. Ours is to carry on. Ours is to battle on. Whether big or small, our duty is to but obey. C.S. Lewis stated:

He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature he wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the slaughter, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot ‘tempt’ to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.

Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

Sometimes, all you can do is hold on. The dawn will break, the light will come. The blessing of a new day is true. When I feel lost or afraid…I know that the quickest way to find my way is to get down on my knees and pray to my Heavenly Father…Don’t be afraid to get on your knees…don’t be afraid of being ‘that person’.