It's Not My Fault

I just finished reading a chapter in two different books this evening.  Helaman Chapter 1 in the Book of Mormon and Chapter 7 “Normal and Abnormal, and When ‘Different’ Becomes Pathological” in The Emotional Life of Your Brain.  Both were great reads.  Both were well worth my time.

I tend to generalize out (based on the thought that I’m pretty normal and I figure that many other normal people experience similar feelings and experiences) and therefore when I say “I”, it can also mean the general you (including you, the reader, too).  A thought has come to my mind as I pondered about the choices that I make in life.  I thought about the thoughts that come to my mind.  I thought about the phrase “it’s not my fault”.

Heavenly Father gave me weakness, he told me so himself in Ether chapter 12, verse 27:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

It’s not my fault that my body reacts a certain way as I am confronted with a stimulus.  A physically attractive woman activates certain parts of my brain, it’s not my fault.  Rude words from another cause me to hurt, it’s not my fault.  Falling short and disappointing others make me depressed inside, it’s not my fault.

How I respond and the actions that I take, THAT is my fault.  The preparations that I make and the care I take, THAT is my fault.  The humility I cultivate, THAT is my fault.

Woman is God’s most perfect creation.  He worked and organized and planned and planted and filled this world.  Once he had created woman, he ceased from all his labors for a season.  There is no wonder in the attraction man feels for woman.  Excepting the Spirit, she is the closest to Heaven with whom we can interact.

It’s not my fault I yearn for affection.  It IS my fault if I step over bounds.  If I wander into forbidden paths, as I search for that affection.  If I seek that affection through false means (pornography, fornication, etc.), then it most certainly is my fault.  The patience, the work, the hurt that it takes to prove myself worthy seems too difficult at times.  Especially as the world (Satan) offers instant satisfaction.

However, there is no warning label provided by the Devil.  That temporary satisfaction is followed by pain and guilt, frustration and disbelief, loneliness and despair.  Much like any other sin, the only way to rid yourself of the pain (without repentance) is to fill your life with more and more of it.  There comes a time when there is no amount of sin that can fulfill the need for relief.  THAT is what we call “Rock Bottom”.

Maybe it’s called rock bottom because it feels like we've hit the rocks at the bottom of the cliff from which we have fallen.  I think that maybe it’s called rock bottom because that’s when we realize that we must have The Rock as our foundation.  We realize that the only way to experience true happiness is to have Christ as the center of our lives.  The only true way to live is to live according to his commandments.

That was an unexpected tangent but I feel strongly about placing Christ at the center of our hearts.

In institute, this past week, we spoke about social conditioning.  I believe that what I have been stating goes along with this concept.  Emotions that we feel are not our fault in that moment.  Those emotions are a conditioned response to the stimulus we encounter.  So, in fact, my response is not my fault but the fault of my former self.

As I have continued to progress and seek after righteousness, there have been many truths revealed to me.  One of those truths is that I am not the same person that I was one decade, one year, or even simply one month ago.  Another truth is that my current self has to answer for problems that my former self created.

The choices I have made have led me to react in specific ways.  Sure, this can be changed and it takes a whole lot of effort and a whole lot of prayer.  The great part is that this means that I can condition myself (really a combination of guidance from Heavenly Father and personal effort) to love the things of righteousness and abhor wickedness.  Like Nephi, I can learn to “shake at the appearance of sin” (2 Nephi 4:31).

In his April 2010 General Conference address, Elder Holland gave us a few pointers on how to re-condition ourselves for service in God’s kingdom:

• Start by separating yourself from people, materials, and circumstances that will harm you.
• Along with filters on computers and a lock on affections, remember that the only real control in life is self-control. Exercise more control over even the marginal moments that confront you.
• If a TV show is indecent, turn it off.
• If a movie is crude, walk out.
• If an improper relationship is developing, sever it.

He continues to say, “Many of these influences, at least initially, may not technically be evil, but they can blunt our judgment, dull our spirituality, and lead to something that could be evil.  An old proverb says that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, so watch your step.”

In the same conference, President Thomas S. Monson gave similar warnings:

• Pornography is especially dangerous and addictive. Curious exploration of pornography can become a controlling habit, leading to coarser material and to sexual transgression. Avoid pornography at all costs.
• Don’t be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what’s being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father’s standards. In short, if you have any question about whether a particular movie, book, or other form of entertainment is appropriate, don’t see it, don’t read it, don’t participate.
• Hard drugs, wrongful use of prescription drugs, alcohol, coffee, tea, and tobacco products destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Any form of alcohol is harmful to your spirit and your body. Tobacco can enslave you, weaken your lungs, and shorten your life.
• Music can help you draw closer to your Heavenly Father. It can be used to educate, edify, inspire, and unite. However, music can, by its tempo, beat, intensity, and lyrics, dull your spiritual sensitivity. You cannot afford to fill your minds with unworthy music.
• Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage as well as full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date with respect and expect your date to show that same respect for you. Tears inevitably follow transgression.

I would recommend both of these talks!  Watch the videos if you don’t want to read.

In conclusion, while the thoughts that come into my mind right now may not technically be my fault, the attention that I pay to them is my fault.  Also, the thoughts that will come into my mind a week, a month, or a year from now will be a result of what I choose to put into my mind right now.  They will be a choice that I will make between now and then.  It is up to me to fill my mind with the scriptures, wholesome music, the words of the living prophets, and learning from every good book!